SATURDAY

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Chapter 1: Take Off 

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Lee looks out the window as the plane readies for take off.  This is not where he is supposed to be at nine thirty this Saturday morning, and he thinks about that sitting in his seat, about to say goodbye to the only life he’s ever known.  The flight is nearly full, which for some reason isn’t what Lee expected.  So used to being alone, it seems odd having so many other people involved in this momentous experience.  Scanning the cabin, he observes the other passengers, wondering what brought them all here.  Were any of them taking this trip for the same reason as him?  Probably not.  They were probably a bunch of happy people excited to be going on vacations they’d been planning for months.  How nice, Lee thought, sulking.  Lee wished he could be happy.  He wished a lot of things for himself.  He wished he could be looking forward to this trip, but instead it felt bittersweet.  Wishing he could be excited about all the possible adventures awaiting him, unfortunately, the outcome of this trip was already pre-determined.  Lee always wanted to go to his current destination, Costa Rica, but never expected to be going under these circumstances.  But hey: that’s life. 

 

Always envisioning taking this trip with someone, Lee pictures himself resting on a beach covered in white sand, under the hot sun, looking out at the crystal blue water, consuming some mixed drink with an umbrella in it, looking over at his sweetheart next to him, her eyes filled with joy as a cool breeze swept over their newly-bronzed bodies.  Together.  The contrast of what was, and what he imagined, creates a sense of despair inside Lee; a sensation that will pass soon enough.      

 

He thinks about all this as the plane begins its takeoff down the runway.  The last thing Lee wants to do right now is think.  He’s going on this voyage to get away, to escape.  He tries turning off everything in his mind: the doubts, the fears, the regrets…breathing a heavy sigh, his chest is weighted down by the gravity of his decision.  A lifetime’s worth of decisions bringing him to this point.  He doesn’t know if alcohol will help or hinder the process, but he’s willing to give it a shot anyway. 

 

He should be proud of himself: he’s finally taking initiative, doing something he’s always dreamed of doing-instead, all he feels is shame.  Soon, he won’t be burdened with such feelings; and that realization gives Lee a sense of relief.  For the first time in a long time, a smile begins spreading across his once downtrodden face.  It’d been ages since Lee could remember the last time he smiled a genuine smile.  This sudden burst of blissfulness persists as he puts on his headphones, closes his eyes, and patiently waits for his journey to come to an end… 

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THURSDAY

 

Chapter 2: Waking Up

 

Six thirty.  Six thirty in the morning.  Lee hated six thirty in the morning.  He hated waking up in a daze to the incessant buzzing of an infernal alarm clock.  Six thirty.  Why did the library have to open so early?  Who could possibly be studying at this hour?  People better off, smarter, more determined, and harder working than him, that’s who.  People who had their lives figured out.  People with futures.  Maybe Lee should be studying too?  But for what?  He didn’t have a clue what he wanted to do with the rest of his life.  Actually, that wasn’t entirely true.  It’s one thing to know what you want to do, and another thing to make it happen.  What Lee wanted to do wasn’t something you could study for.  You needed luck and talent to achieve it.  So the way Lee looked at it, he already had two strikes against him.  

 

Six thirty.  It was the latest possible time he could wake up, and still make it to work without being late; but even that was cutting it close. 

 

He felt like calling out sick today.  He felt like calling out sick everyday.  

 

Tell them you don’t feel well. 

 

If only that were justification for calling out.

 

Lee was going to have to accept this to be his routine from now on, and probably would be for the rest of his natural life.  The sad thing is: he was considered lucky by most, especially his parents.  ‘At least you have a job…’  But Lee didn’t feel lucky; not on this particular morning.  On this particular morning Lee just felt like hitting the ‘snooze’ button, and going back to sleep-for the rest of time.  He was having the most amazing dream; if only he could remember what it was...

  

It’s so early…

 

Lee labors out of bed.  Seems like forever since he’s gotten a good night’s sleep.  He even wakes up early on the weekends now.  You’d think this routine would get easier with practice, but it seems to grow more difficult with each passing day.  It’s quiet in his apartment, the only sound heard are the voices inside Lee’s head.  Voices begging him to go back to bed, quit his job, chase his dreams; but the thought of bills, food, cable television, and the internet quickly quiets those voices, forcing Lee out of bed. 

 

After flipping on the light inside his bathroom, against his better judgment Lee looks at his reflection in the mirror.  He hates what he sees looking back; has for a long time.  Lee wants to see the man he anticipated himself growing into: a strong, confident, capable man working towards achieving all the goals he set for himself, a man who would one day conquer the world.  He doesn’t see any those things when he looks in the mirror.  Instead, he sees a lost little boy.  He sees imperfection.  He sees what the rest of his life will sadly look like.

 

Was this what he had to look forward to from here on out: waking up everyday at six thirty in the morning, looking at a reflection in the mirror he can’t stand before going to a job he hates?  When did things go so wrong?  How did things get so bad?  Lee foolishly tries one more time putting on a brave face, mustering up the courage to take on the world and all its challenges; but like getting out of bed, it’s getting harder and harder each day… 

 

Lee shudders from the cold as he steps out the front door of the house he rents.  It’s frigid outside.  At least it’s not snowing again today; that was considered ‘good weather’ for this time of year.  The sky is grey and haunting, and there’s an ominous feeling in the air; perhaps one of impending doom.  It’s been like this for months.  Gray.  Lifeless.  A frozen tundra filled with skyscrapers and parking meters.  Lee missed the warm weather, the hot sun on his face.  Lee was definitely lacking in Vitamin D.  Maybe he should start taking supplements?  If only it were as simple as taking a pill.

 

February always felt like the longest month to Lee rather than the shortest.  Every year it were as if spring and summer would never arrive.  Those two seasons more like myth & legend passed down from generation to generation, rather than inevitabilities.  Lee knew they would eventually come, but right now it was hard convincing himself of that fact.  

 

Lee’s daily commute had turned into a daily obituary to all the other places he thought he’d be going with his life by now.  His 20’s: the stage of life where your age outnumbers your salary; and thus far Lee was fine with that.  It wasn’t about money, it was about finding happiness: but what do you do when you don’t have either?  

 

Lee had given up on trying to make a better life for himself.  No good ever seemed to come from anything he ever did anyway.  In the past, he worked tirelessly to improve his situation & better his circumstances by submitting endless applications, or applying for multiple new positions only to be rejected countless times on all fronts.  He was tired of putting every ounce of energy and effort towards a future he didn’t believe he had any chance of making a reality…so why not just give up?  

 

Then again: this is what people do, right?  Get up, go to work.  Stay in dead-end jobs to pay for a wife, and kids, and a mortgage.  His whole life he thought that’s how things would play out.  Like his parents, and his friends’ parents.  That’s how things worked where he came from.  Lately, however, as the prospect of that future seemed less and less likely, Lee started telling himself he’d never succumb to such a notion anyway.  He was going to be different.  He was going to forgo frivolous things such as ‘family’ & ‘home’, and chase after his dream…Yet here he was, in his car, listening to morning talk radio, stuck in traffic-all while the ‘check engine’ light illuminates his dashboard. 

 

He was late.  Hopefully he’d find a parking spot close to work, but who was he kidding?  Lee tried not thinking about that predicament.  He still had a few moments of freedom left to this morning, and tried not tainting them by thinking about his job.  Lee parks his car a mile away from his building in a residential area that doesn’t ticket (hopefully).  He has to walk far, otherwise almost his whole paycheck would go towards parking.  

 

Walking down the city streets he tries shielding his face from the torrents of wind tearing at his exposed flesh, and he goes numb; not just from the cold.  Lee wishes he could wake up each morning, eat a hearty breakfast, and head into work with renewed verve and vigor…but Lee can’t afford breakfast.  Hell, even a cup of coffee was a luxury.  Making things worse was looking around and seeing the people who did want to be here.  Lee could see the contentment on their faces, and the pride in their walks as they made their way across campus.  

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